One Month and Then Some . . . Home

Nathan has been in our home for a little over a month now.  I can say there has been an adjustment for all involved.  He has been doing remarkably well.  In fact, his adjustment has been so good that I think it is a testament to the resiliency of these children.  Imagine for a minute being a child in an environment surrounded by the same people your whole life, no matter how short that life has been.  Following the same schedule day in and day out and eating the same food everyday.  Then one day you are suddenly whisked off to another environment with totally different people filled with things you have never seen before.  Your schedule is off by seven hours and the food is nothing like you were used to.  Everyone you now encounter speaks a language your little ears have only rarely heard before.  That scenario I believe, would throw anyone for a loop!  Our son, and many other children, have lived that scenario.  Considering this, he has done wonderfully!  He eats just about anything and only seems to have a dislike so far for cottage cheese and luncheon meat.  In just a month he has learned to nap at about 12:30pm and go "night-night" at about 8:30pm.  Most of the time he sleeps until 6:30 or 7:00am, although not uninterrupted.  He is now saying a handful of English words.  These words include:  ball, all done, hello, dog, daddy, Elmo (although it doesn't sound like Elmo he says the same word when he see's him), eye, and occasionally Jessica and Jenna.  He just seems to soak everything up like a sponge.

As far as adjusting to us, he knows who his mom and dad are.  He goes to Troy now almost as often as he does me although he still will get out of sorts if he see's me leave without him.  We are able to lay him down for a nap and at night and leave him while he is still awake without any fuss.  As Troy said; "I think he knows he is here for good."  He is a very loving little boy and now "gives kisses" when asked or when Daddy leaves for work or the girls leave for school.  The girls play with him constantly and he looks to them as a source of entertainment, tickles, and laughter.

Our adjustment has been a little more of an ordeal.  I mean, let's be honest, going from two totally independent children with the youngest being nine to a needy, clingy 16 month old is a bit of a shock to the system.  For me, the end of my freedom has been the hardest adjustment.  I once again have to time my outings around meals and naps and when I do go out I can only "stay so long."  My house is never clean as I now have a little tornado that follows me around undoing what I have just done.  It has most definitely been a change . . . but one that I would never trade for a million dollars.  I think back to those horrible months of crying, and stressing, and being heartbroken with the delays we faced and the uncertainty of whether he would ever come home.  The lingering pain from that ordeal makes all the changes seem like nothing.  I can definitely deal with a messy house and more "home" time if it means my son is finally here with us.  As they say, "it is always darkest before the dawn."  We went through a very dark time and now we have our little ray of sunshine to show for it. 

Two Weeks Home

It has been two weeks home with our son and I can honestly say it is going much better than I expected.  He has definitely become one of the family and seems happy about it.  He is a very easy-going and laid back child who is always smiling.  He has a comedic side and he loves to make others smile and laugh.  He is also quite brilliant.  He mimics everything, is understanding commands, and has picked up several words; including ball, hot, dog, daddy, baby, and Jenna.  I continue to listen for mama but no such luck yet :(

He LOVES the girls and plays with them constantly.  He now enjoys books where in the beginning I don't even think he knew what one was.  He is great at batting the balloon back and forth and loves throwing balls.  He is now riding in the stroller and the carseat without complaint.  He has not found much he doesn't like by way of food with his favorites being bananas, oatmeal, and of course his bottle.  He actually does a little happy dance when he see's his bottle being made! 

He continues to be very attached to me but this is improving.  I can sneak out of the house and he does fine while I am gone.  He just can't see me leave.  I can now put him down for a nap or at night with his bottle and leave the room before he falls asleep.  This is very nice since I was staying in there with him before for up to an hour before he would fall asleep.  Not conducive to getting things done around the house!  I think he is beginning to realize I am not going anywhere.  He is still hesitant to let anyonce hold him other than myself, Troy, and the girls.  Our theory is that he thinks anyone else may take him back to Layla House.

The one thing I have learned over the last two weeks is one's capacity to love a child that is not biologically your own.  In a very short time, no less.  My love for this child is as great as my love for my girls.  I think Troy would agree.  Seeing him bond with this child brings tears to my eyes.  Even though our process was long, heartbreaking, and stressful, I would not discourage anyone from considering adoption.  This child has brought so much love with him and has made all the blood, sweat, and tears to get to him worth it.

Home Sweet Home

As we settle in at home, I would be amiss if I did not post about our embassy trip.  I was planning on doing this while there but the internet was so unpredictable and spotty that it was nearly impossible to do so.  Instead, each night I wrote down in a notepad about our day and now I will share the highlights of our trip in my blog.

October 8, 2011:  This was the day we arrived in Addis.  A driver from the AAI met us at the airport and took us to the guest house.  Despite being exhausted, Kelly and I decided to call a recommended driver and go down to Churchill Street to shop as we were told we could not bring Nathan down there once he was in my possession.  I had wanted to get him some native goods for his upcoming birthdays.  We called a driver, Dawit, who would become a good friend and a reliable driver.  We used him to drive us everywhere on this trip.  After shopping we went to lunch at a restaurant close by Layla House (the care center where Nathan was) called Caribou.  Believe me, it was very difficult not to just run to the care center and snatch him away and I did feel gulity for not doing so, but I think I was somewhat nervous of his reaction to me and not in any hurry for a possible let down.

We walked to Layla from Caribou and when we got to his room there he sat---ON THE POTTY!  Not exactly how I wanted our first meeting in five months to be but he looked great and was full of smiles.  One of the nannies took him to the changing table and after changing him she stood him up and he reached his arms out for me, smiled, and wrapped his arms around my neck.  My heart melted!  This was however, the last time that day he acted this way toward me.  Yes he would play with me and sit near me, but he always ran back to one of the nannies for reassurance.  I even tried to take him outside but he screamed and struggled to return to the house.  I left there that day struggling with the fact that this child was very attached to the nannies and I would most likely have to drag him out of there the next day while he screamed and cried.  I cried that night at that thought and did not sleep a wink.

October 9, 2011:  This was the day I would be taking Nathan back to the guest house with me. We returned to Layla in the morning and before going to see Nathan I gave Kelly a tour of the compound.  When I did get to Nathan's room we played a little but once again he was a little stand-offish.  He acted as though he did not feel well with some chest congestion and ear pulling.  When it was time for the kids to eat lunch,  Kelly and I walked to Kaldi's Coffee and ate lunch.  We returned to Layla and found he was napping and the nannies were having a coffee ceremony.  They asked us to partake in the coffee and we did.  We had Dawit scheduled to pick us up at 2:00 as I did not want to walk back to the guest house carrying what I thought would be a screaming child.  Nathan woke up at about 1:50, almost as if he knew he would be going somewhere soon.  He again acted as if he did not feel well.  Kelly and one of the nannies began changing his clothes into an outfit I brought while I stood there and began crying.  I could not believe this was finally happening.  Another nanny gave him a bottle and I picked him up.  He seemed content as the nannies one by one kissed him goodbye and wished him luck.  I was crying as were several of the nannies, for we had been told many times that he was a favorite of theirs.  I walked out of the compound and never looked back.  Nathan never fussed or cried---it was quite a miracle.

When we returned to the Ritmo, he would not leave my arms or let me out of his sight.  In fact, at one point I attempted to leave him with Kelly while I used the restroom and the minute I left his line of sight he began crying and ran after me!  He had his first bath which he did not like very well as well as had his hair washed.  He cried at the latter.  He fell asleep quickly that night in a pack-n-play that was in our room.

October 10, 2011:  Nathan slept fairly well; about five hours then up and I gave him a bottle of water then he slept seven more hours.  He definitely was sick so I began him on the antibiotic the pediatrician gave me for the trip.  I figured it was better to treat a possible ear infection than have a horrible plane ride home.  I had to go back to Layla that day to talk to the director about a few things but was apprehensive as I was worried if he saw the nannies he would become upset and want to return to them.  As soon as we entered the compound we ran into one of his nannies.  When she tried to get him to go to her, remarkably he gripped tighter onto my arms and turned his head away from her.  I was shocked---and thrilled!  This boy knew he was with his mother and he was NOT going back!  For lunch that day we ate at an Italian restaurant called Arcobellano.  It was very good and that is where we began to see how smart this child was.

After lunch we walked to AHope---the orphanage where Nathan was at before being referred to AAI and then subsequently to us.  They had done so much work on his case that I wanted to go personally to thank those involved.  We met the administrator of AHope and he was happy to meet the little boy who "caused so much trouble."  He introduced us to many others involved in Nathan's case as well.  I asked him if it were possible to meet the woman who brought him to the orphanage, as she too did a lot to help his case and I wanted to thank her for essentially bringing our son to us.  He called her on her phone and just like that, scheduled a meeting with her the next day.  We would meet her at AHope at 11:00.  The administrator went on to tell me a little about Nathan's history and how he came to the orphanage; background on the woman I would meet the next day; and answered many of my questions.  It was the most information I had yet to receive on my son.

October 11, 2011:  This was THE day!  EMBASSY!!  THE END of this long and often times heartbreaking journey!  We would start the day off however, with meeting Tekuamwork---the woman who brought Nathan to the orphanage.  We met her at AHope and she was already there when we got there.  AHope's administrator translated for us.  To say it was an emotional meeting would be an understatement.  She told me of how she came to find Nathan and his mother and how she helped his mother.  She gave dates of his birth and baptism and how SHE named him.  She shared details with me and answered questions that I never thought I would ever have answered.  She was tearful during most of the meeting and kept touching Nathan, wanting to hold him but he would not go to her.  I tearfully told her that she did a wonderful thing and thanked her for bringing our son to us.  When we parted ways we hugged and she kissed Nathan with tears in her eyes.  Kelly videotaped the meeting so that if Nathan wants to see it someday it will be available to him.  I even got to see a picture of his mother and would later get one in the newspaper ad they ran looking for her.  This was unexpected but definitely a welcome bonus. 

Immediately after the meeting we were whisked away to the Embassy.  After standing in a line outside we were ushered throught security and taken to a large room with 15 windows reminiscent of a BMV.  They called people one by one up to the various windows and when it was our turn, Nathan and I went up with Gail and were asked several questions.  The woman behind the window looked through his file and said everything was there and we were approved for the visa.  That was it!  Very anticlimactic.  After we walked away and were heading out Gail proceeded to tell us the woman behind the window was the one responsible for holding us up for the two and a half months.  Good thing she told me after the fact because I might have said something not so nice to her otherwise :)

We went back to Layla so I could speak to the doctor about his health conditions, mainly his legs.  We ran into several of his nannies and they wanted to hold him.  This was again a test.  A test to me whether or not this child really liked me. He did the same thing he had done earlier.  HE DID NOT WANT TO GO BACK!  What a relief and reassurance to me.  It was the best feeling in the world!

Later that day we returned to Churchill Street with Nathan and picked up some last minute gifts and then ate at a restaurant called Metro Pizza.

October 12, 2011:  Since it took two days to process his visa we had to stay until the 13th.  This day we decided to go to Entoto Mountain.  We had worked out with Dawit the day earlier to drive us there and he picked us up promptly at 10:00.  It was a wonderful half day trip and Kelly was able to see more of Ethiopia than just the city.  We took a museum tour as well as saw some old palaces.  Before going back to the Ritmo we ate lunch at a wonderful place called Sishu.  I think we had the best burgers and fries we had ever had!  Nathan was as good as gold during the trip as well.

October 13, 2011:  We were leaving this evening and of course had some creative packing to do and some last minute shopping.  We had Dawit take us to a local grocery store where we bought Ethiopian coffee.  We ate lunch at Kaldi's coffee and bought more coffee there.  Our intention was to return to Layla House that afternoon to say our good-byes and get some final pictures.  This however, did not happen.  Gail stopped by the guest house with his visa (YEA!!) and luckily I found out we were to have gone to the Sheraton and checked in for our flight and bought Nathan's ticket.  I thought you could do it at the airport but Gail said no.  Crisis averted!  We called Dawit who thank God was available.  He picked us up and took us to the Sheraton where we were able to check in and buy Nathan's ticket---all about three hours before we were to be picked up for the airport!  Needless to say, when we got back to the Ritmo there was no time for anything other than zipping up the suitcases and walking out the door.

The plane ride home was LONG---17-1/2 hours long.  Nathan only slept about four hours total and I slept about ZERO!  He decided that was the day to have bowel issues and proceeded to have eight blowouts on the plane.  Believe me, no fun changing those in an airplane bathroom!  Despite the long journey, he did quite well.  It also helped that he was supposed to be a lap child but the airlines was able to seat us with an empty seat between Kelly and I.  That was a Godsend!  Kudos to Ethiopian Airlines!

Once off the plane, my sheer exhaustion kicked in.  We dragged our bags and our sorry selves through the airport.  I carried him (he was dead weight as he was sleeping), an eight pound backpack, and a camera bag from one end of the airport to the other; while Kelly pulled our luggage.  My back was absolutely killing me but I knew this was the END of a LONG journey---with my girls and husband waiting for us at the end.  When I saw my girls smiling and running toward us the flood gates opened and the tears came.  We were home.  HOME with our son!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

In no less than twelve hours I will be on a plane headed for Ethiopia.  We got our embassy appointment scheduled for October 11, 2011---Our "Gotcha Day."  This also happens to be my oldest daughters thirteenth birthday.  I'm sad I can't be there to give my new teenager a kiss on her special day but she will be in my thoughts and we will celebrate when I get back.

My nervousness is starting to appear as tomorrow approaches.  Not only am I not fond of flying but sitting on a plane for thirteen hours there and seventeen and a half hours on the way back does not thrill me.  Not to mention the "adventure" the trip home will be with a fifteen month old.  I also worry if this child of mine will even "like" me.  When we were there for court he seemed very fond of me by the second day; but it is now five months later and he is a different child.  I so hope he takes to me again.

I will try to post on this blog daily while we are there as long as the internet is working.  That is always an iffy thing in a third world country.  Please pray for safe travels and that all goes well with Nathan.  We will see you all when we return.

The Day Has Come!

Two words:  "WE CLEARED!"  We finally got the news this morning at about 9:30 am that the embassy is finally satisfied and we can go get our son.  FINALLY!  I found out while at work and therefore kept my emotions in check other than for a few happy tears.  It is just so hard to believe that this is over---OVER!  No more worrying and asking myself ;  "Will this really happen?", "Did we just waste two years of our life?", and "Why us?"  Our boy is coming home!

We have already requested our interview date choices but won't hear anything until tomorrow.  I am hoping to fly our either Wednesday or Friday of this week.  Yes, I said THIS WEEK!  I have to keep saying it to myself to make myself believe it . . .

OUR SON IS COMING HOME!!

Nearing The End?

Well, this could be THE week.  I'm almost scared to say it for fear that I will be disappointed once again.  The ad was run the requested two weeks and no one responded.  A letter stating that no one responded and an English translation of the ad were submitted to the embassy on Thursday September 29.  Generally it takes 2-3 business days to get a reply so we are anticipating hearing somethng on Monday or Tuesday.  The plan is if we hear by Tuesday and are able to get a Visa appointment on Monday the 10th we may try and leave on Wednesday; otherwise we are looking at leaving on Friday the 7th.  Either way I am cautiously anticipating leaving this week.

In two days it will be 11 months since our referral of Amanuel . . . 11 MONTHS!  If all had gone as it should have it would have only taken 6-8 months from referral to homecoming.  I try not to dwell on this but it is very difficult to accept the fact that we have lost nearly five months with our son.  Five months that could have been spent bonding, caring for him, and watching him grow.  I don't understand why God had planned it this way and it will take me awhile I'm sure to come to terms with the loss.  They say everything is in God's timing but most of the time the "Why" is never answered.  I hope someday when Amanuel is home I will find the answer.  I do know we are ready to bring our son home and begin making up for that lost time.

Still in the Tunnel . . . but with a Glimmer of Light

Here I am, up early on a Saturday because I couldn't fall back asleep.  Sleep has been a sneaky thing lately, avoiding me at all costs.  Need I explain why.

In case there are those of you who don't know yet, we still have not cleared embassy.  It has been over eight weeks now.  The letter that we hoped would clear us describing the orphanages' futile attempts to run the ad was responded to by the embassy with;  "An ad needs to be run looking for the mother."  Really??  REALLY??  I believe the letter stated the impossiblity of doing such a thing!!  They stated that if an ad was placed for two weeks they could then process our case.  Don't they think that if this had been possible it would have been done many weeks ago?  GGGGRRRRRR!

I wrote a letter to the embassy questioning how one could go about running an ad if the police would not give permission to do it.  They responded the next day and did provide a few suggestions which I passed on to our agency.  Earlier this week we were told from our agencies attorney that they were reformatting the ad and going to attempt to run it in a private paper.  Yesterday we were notified that the ad was going to be posted this Sunday.  FINALLY!!  I guess there really is more than one way to skin a cat!

Interestingly enough, we received an email from the embassy yesterday in regards to a letter submitted by our agency that we knew nothing of.  It was a request for more information about the woman who brought Amanuel to the orphanage originally and her attempts to locate the mother in another region of Ethiopia.  Apparently she traveled to this other region looking for his birth mother.  How awesome!  This is the same woman the embassy interviewed a while back. We do not know if this woman is a relative or just a family friend but my hopes since we learned of her have been to possibly meet her when I go to pick up our son.  She may be the only connection we have to his birth mother and a source of information that Amanuel may want to learn about someday.  Things such as how old his mother was when he was born, her personality, her life, details of his birth, etc.  After learning of her assistance with our case I am hopeful she will be willing to meet me.

Today marks FIVE months since we have seen our son.  I never thought he wouldn't have been home by now.  The thought of it back in April probably would have killed me.  How I continue to function amazes me.  Don't get me wrong, there have been days that I just don't function, but having two busy kids at home keeps me going.  I have mentioned to others that most times I feel numb when it comes to this process.  Numb to disappointment.  Lord knows we have had a lot of it.  Maybe that is what is keeping me sane, the not feeling anything.  I often wonder how I will react to the words "Case Cleared."  Will I cry? scream? sit in my numbness and disbelief?  I guess that remains to be seen . . .

"The task ahead of you is never as great as the Power behind you."

Why Did I Ask?

Why did I ever ask the question?  Why, after all we have been through with this adoption, did I ask THE question----"What next?"  Because that question was answered today and it was not the answer I was looking for.

We received an email today from the agency doctor in Ethiopia.  It was apparently brought to someones attention that Amanuel's lower legs were bowed more than usual.  He was taken to an orthopedic physician who performed x-rays and it is thought that he may have a disease whereby your shins can become progressively bowed unless treated.  Treatment consists of bracing to prevent stress on the bones as well as to try to get the bones to grow normally.  I was told that the only way it is "cured or stopped" is by surgery.  The surgery, however, is done only in extreme cases.  Treatment needs to be started soon, however, to prevent severe deformity or disability.  Currently they are treating it as if he had rickets---with high doses of vitamin D.  Great if he had rickets but it will do nothing for the other condition. 

I have no problem dealing with this condition, if he has this condition at all.  Although we requested a healthy infant, we did this to help a child and now he needs our help more than ever. With treatment he should be fine; but the issue now is getting him home to receive that treatment as quickly as possible.  That brings us to the embassy.  Today the agency received the letter from the orphanage stating the circumstances of their inability to run the ad looking for the mother due to the police being uncooperative.  This was hopefully submitted to the embassy today.  Our congressman also e-mailed a copy of the letter to the embassy attached to a letter of his own.  We are hoping this will be it.  Susan (from our agency) says she has a gut feeling it will be.  Of course, as can be expected from our history, I am not so convinced.  I am not setting myself up for disappointment again.

I do think the timing of this medical condition could not have been better; although I would have been happier had it never come.  I feel as it may be another way of God telling us this is the child for us and to not give up the fight for him.  Besides learning that Amanuel shared the same birthday as Troy, this medical condition is right up my alley with being a Physical Therapist.  I can help him, literally.

I have often questioned many times during our adoption process the statement, "God never gives you more than you can handle."  God must think I am a very, VERY strong person for the hurdles he has put in our way of bringing our son home.  I will, however, never ask the question, "What next?, again.

PLEASE pray for us and our son that this will come to an end next week and he will get the treatment and LOVE that he needs.

The Fight Is On!!

On Monday morning (8/21) I woke up and went downstairs to find my husband sitting at the computer with watery eyes.  We heard something from the Embassy.  My husband said, "Well, you'll be lucky if you can go get him in September, or even October."  Not good.

The embassy was not satisfied with the interview being the end of it.  Now they want three more documents.  Ridiculous, crazy, virtually unobtainable requests. I proceeded to begin crying, yelling, and cursing at the fact that this has been such a long, horrible journey.  Why us?  I took the day off work and was glad I did as I really didn't stop crying until 2:00.  I did a few constructive things that day such as writing a letter to the embassy in response to their requests per the advice of my agency.  I had gathered information about our local congressman who may be able to help us as others had also received help from theirs.  And I waited.

Tuesday when I woke up I was in a fighting mood.  The tears were gone and the boxing gloves came out.  I sent an email to an advocacy group that helps families dealing with embassy issues related to adoption.  I also called the congressman's office to at least get that ball rolling and let them know we may need their help.  And I waited.

When I woke up Wednesday, the response to my letter was there from the embassy.  It was what I expected.  Later that day while at work, my cell phone rang.  It was the congressman!  He listened as I briefly told him our situation and he replied that he would be happy to advocate for us.  He reminded me that he could not force anyone's hand but that he could work with the State Department and see if he could help.  YES!!!   Finally I felt as though someone could help us.  And I waited.

Today has been a good day.  It is actually the only day in this adoption process we have had several bits of good news at once.  We went to the congressman's office and talked to one of his staff.  We told him all the details of our case, including the struggles.  He understood the demands of the embassy just don't apply to our case.  He is going to contact them today and hopefully begin to move mountains.  I received an e-mail from the advocacy group and they want to talk to me on Monday.  I also received an email from the director of our agecny in Ethiopia and they are putting several things into motion.  They are also considering our case a high priority. 

Should I allow myself to feel hopeful?  Should I allow myself to relax, even for a second, and breathe a sigh of relief?  Not yet.  But for once I feel as though someone is on our side.  I will continue to fight until the end and our son is home with us.  And I will continue to wait.

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for your God will be with you wherever you go."  Josh 1:9

Not Waiting Alone

So it is Sunday and we continue to wait for news from the Embassy.  We did get confirmation that the guardian interview took place on Wednesday but we have yet to hear word from the Embassy.  Did it go well?  Did they get the information they wanted?  Will we clear this week?  We are hoping "Yes" to these questions in the next few days.

As we have been waiting, I have met many others who are in the same situation we are.  Others who have their hands tied and hearts broken waiting on news they can go bring their children home.  Others who have also watched their children grow from infants to near toddlers in pictures and videos.  Trust me, this is a devastating and terrible thing to go through and I would not wish it on anyone; but it also helps to know we are not alone.

I have made many friends on Facebook only by being in this process and having that commonality.  I do not know where these people live, nor what they do for a living, nor have I ever personally met them.  But I feel their pain and their joy.  They have been a source of strength and comfort for me.

Much of my strength has been given to me in words.  Words shared from others hearts because their journeys have also been long and tiring.  One of these women is a friend of a friend on Facebook and her name is Jen Hatmaker.  She too had an incredibly long fight to bring her son home.  The following words she wrote brought tears to my eyes:


   "When God said he wasn't done yet, he just wasn't done yet. He wasn't speaking in code. It wasn't a trick. The story was still in the middle, but I wanted to flip ahead to the end, past the conflict and struggle and straight to the happy ending. As Keeper of the Story, God knew the whole plot.

God doesn't promise us a clean middle part of the story. He never said we wouldn't encounter antagonists and drama and surprise twists and heartbreak. We weren't assured a G-rated plot where good feelings are peddled and no one dies or leaves or fails or waits. God promised things like healing and restoration and redemption. Which implies there will be injuries and broken relationships and losses. When he speaks of beauty from ashes, he seems to know there will be actual ashes to resurrect beauty from.

If you are confused right now, if your story isn't going the way you thought, or if you're tangled up in the messy middle where hope is deferred, dear reader, it could just be that God isn't done yet. Your story is not finished. Every hero and heroine must wade through the conflict to get to the end, and you can trust God because he is good. If you have nothing else to cling to, remember this: God is good. He loves goodness and justice. He heals and redeems. He is on the side of love and beauty. He is for you. He is never against you. You may be against you, other people may be against you, but God is not against you.

It is okay to be confused; I'm afraid that is our lot as finite creatures dealing with an infinite God. Some of God's best heros were confused in their subplots. But I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on. Because God is good and he is for goodness. "

And then there is my friend Jana Henessey who quoted a friend of hers on her blog page regarding her sadness over missing so many moments with her daughter:  "HE did not choose me for those moments.  HE chose me for these.  So I am choosing joy.  And I know that the moments in (Gabby's) life that God did choose me for are coming."

So, we all go on waiting, giving words of encouragement to each other knowing in the end we will eventually reach our goal.  And we will not have reached it alone.

I'll Find A Way

We heard back from the embassy yesterday as the document they requested was submitted the day before.  Let me say it was not how I wanted to start my morning.  They have now requested an interview with his guardian.  I cried most of the morning as I believed this was the same person one of the social workers involved in our case looked for and could not find--after looking for over two weeks!  If this person cannot be found then it is highly likely the embassy will do a full investigation which could take two weeks up to two months or more!  Well, later in the day we received another e-mail which stated that our agency requested an interview appointment for this person for either Monday or Wednesday of this coming week.  Dare I assume that this means they do know who this person is and where to locate her to get her to this appointment?

Now we hope that her answers to their questions are what they want to hear.

This request is not a new one.  The embassy has been interviewing birth parents and guardians more and more frequently to determine that the child is a "true orphan".  Some of these interviews have been quite traumatic I am told.  How would you like to be a birth mother who has given up her child and you are questioned by the US government about every aspect of how the child came to be, why you can't support them, the state of your health, etc?  The hardest part of this is that WE know he is an orphan.  His mother has disappeared, his father is unknown, and he has been sitting in an orphanage for over a year now.  No one has come to reclaim him and the birth mother had three opportunities to appear in court and stop this.  What part of his situation does not fit the definition of an orphan?

So, sadly we wait some more not knowing what will happen or even having a timeline.  The embassy has decided to not schedule appointments from August 25-September 5 so if we do not clear on Monday chances are he will not be home until September.  Even if we do clear Monday or Wednesday we would be lucky to get an appointment before the 25th.  Once again, timing is not on our side.

I found these words on another adoptive parents blog that are from a song titled "Amos' Story" by Aaron Ivey.  I thought they were appropriate about now.

    "I'll find a way to get you here
     If it takes my fleeting breath
     Another sunrise hits the ground
     And it's a dark lonely sight
     Lightyears away I hope you know
     There is somebody searching
      For the way to get you here
      I will get you here."
     

On Embassy Road

Well, we were finally submitted to the embassy on 7/20/11 after two false starts.  The agency apparently wanted to get additional information regarding something they found in his paperwork and had a hard time getting it.  Yesterday we received notice from the embassy that they need more information.  That was not the Monday morning wake-up call I wanted.

The embassy wants information on who Amanuel's guardian is/was over in Ethiopia.  They questioned a name in his file that we have never heard of and want court documents related to guardianship.  I just don't understand why this is important at this point.  His biological parents cannot be found and we have already passed court with OUR names on the adoption decree and his birth certificate.  WE are his parents!  Why does this process need to be drug out any longer?

Anyway, I am keeping close contact with those involved in getting this resolved and pushing for a quick solution.  I AM TIRED OF WAITING.  I have also changed my plans to travel to the last week of August as this way I will not miss the girls first day of school or the concert we have tickets to.  Of course, if we get the okay to travel sooner you bet I will be on that plane in a heartbeat!

And for those that don't remember, here is the latest picture of what I am fighting for---my son!

Nathan and His Favorite Friend

My Decision

After this weeks developments, I have come to a decision.  Or perhaps my heart has come to a decision. 

We were supposed to be submitted to embassy last Wednesday; we were not.
We were supposed to be submitted to embassy this Wednesday; we were not.

To not go into a lot of confusing details, we found out yesterday that the agency has been trying to obtain more documents and search for yet another person before they submit us to embassy.  In our agencies defense, they are just trying to dot their "i's" and cross their "t's" so that we do not have issues with the embassy; so that we can clear embassy the first time around.  We however, have had enough delays and are out of patience.  With correspondence received today, they think they have a solution and said we would be submitted "for sure" next Wednesday.  If so, we should know within three to five days of submission if we have cleared and can schedule the visa appointment; or if they want further documentation and subsequently more delay.

I have decided that if we do not clear embassy by the first few days of August, I will be booking tickets to travel to Ethiopia the third week of August.  I will stay as long as needed to bring our son home.  I will be able to "assist" the agency while there to finish our case, but more importantly, be able to start the bonding process.  Since reaching this decision I have felt so much more at peace.  My mood has also changed dramatically from tearful and depressed to confident and joyful.  It is a decision supported by everyone I have talked to and that helps tremendously.

Of course we are hoping that we clear embassy without delay and it does not come to this.  If it does however, at least I know when I will get to see and hold our son and it is so good to not carry around that uncertainty we have been living with for over two years now.

Shocking Statistics

Estimated population in Ethiopia:  almost 91 million

Population      0-14 years:   46.3%
                    15-64 years:  51%
                    65 and over:  2.7%

Median Age:  16.8 years

Life Expectancy Average:  56.19 years

Fertitlity Rate:  6.02 children/woman

Infant Mortality Rate:  77.12/1,000 live births

Estimated number of orphans:  4.3 million

Father's Day

Troy would probably kill me if he knew I was writing this about him.  I, however, think he deserves it.

I am amazed at the transformation I have seen in him over the last several years since we started this process.  Perhaps he always had these new qualities I have seen, we just have never been in this position before for them to come out.  Or perhaps, he has changed his thinking and his heart.

Several years after Jenna was born I wanted another child, but he did not.  For years I begged and pleaded with him but he could not be persuaded.  He was worried about the stress and worry associated with it and with that he was concerned he might have another life-threatening bleed.  Finally, he changed his mind---when I was about 39!  Not wanting to physically go through a pregnancy at that age and risk having a child with lifelong problems or complications myself, I looked into adoption.

He had many trepidations about adoption; "Will the child have health problems?,  What will the child look like? Will the child have emotional issues from being institutionalized?"  Once we settled on Ethiopia, he was anxious about whether the child would feel as though they fit in with our family due to their skin color.  For several months after we were on the waiting list,  he would mention the options for changing our minds and "getting out of it" for various reasons---the economy, terrorism, the cost increases.  But then he started talking to people and found many people who had adopted that he never knew had.  He learned of wonderful experiences others had, along with not so wonderful experiences.  He found most people were very supportive and admired him for what he was doing. 

It was then that I had noticed the change.  He began telling more and more people about what we were undertaking and talking about it in a positive light.  When we got the referral of Emmanuel, I truly think it was love at first sight for him.  This was compounded even further by finally meeting him in Ethiopia.  Troy and I knew this was the child meant for us.  It wasn't until the last delay with the disappearance letter, however, that I really saw the "father protecting his child" come out.  He called the agency many times (with my initial encouragement as I was tired of crying on the phone) and fought for his son.  He pushed them to get things done and keep us informed.  He too was heartbroken that we were losing more time with our child.  Here he was fighting for a child he had only had contact with for all of four days.  I consider myself very lucky as I know not all men can or want to love and raise a strangers child.

Last Sunday at church, I saw the culmination of the last two years come to light.  We were there with only Jenna as Jessica was at a party.  One of the ushers asked Troy if we only had the one child.  Troy said "No, we have another daughter who is at a party AND I have a boy who is 8,000 miles away.  I have an adopted son in Ethiopia."  Hearing him say that with such pride and joy made me smile . . . really smile.

It's Official!!

WE PASSED!  WE PASSED!!  WE PASSED!!!  We officially are parents to our beautiful and smart little boy.  Apparently the social worker picked up the disappearance letter from the Kebele and delivered it to the judge the day before our court date---talk about cutting it close!  That is all that was needed for us to pass.  It's too bad it took seven weeks to do it.

Susan called me the minute she found out the news and I happened to be at work at the time.  When the phone rang and I saw who it was I was walking a patient at the time.  I hollered for someone to help with the patient as this was the call I was waiting for.  When I answered it I knew by the tone in her voice it was good news.  She said "you passed, it is over."  I was ecstatic and once I hung up, I immediately started getting hugs and congratulations from my co-workers.  After all, they have also been on this journey with me the last two years.

What now?  Well, we move onto the last step which is Embassy.  The agency has to wait for the adoption decree from the courts and then get it translated.  Once translated they get the new birth certificate and then use that to get his passport.  He also has to get a medical exam by the Embassy doctor and have repeat blood tests done.  Once all these things are done and his file is complete, it is submitted to the US Embassy where his file is reviewed.  Hopefully at that time we will be cleared to travel.  They could also request more documentation which can't possibly happen to us again, could it?  The Embassy will e-mail me when we have been cleared and we will schedule an Embassy date.  This will be when I go back to Ethiopia to get his VISA and bring him home. 

Unfortunately, this whole process will take about 6-8 weeks, if we are lucky.  The latest news is that the Embassy will only be scheduling half the appointments they normally do in July due to staff training.  Our agency says it should not slow things down too much though, due to only about half the cases passing court right now.  This remains to be seen but I don't think we deserve any more delays.  We have had our share.

Well, now that we have passed court I can finally show off our son to the world!  World, meet Nathan Emmanuel Hertzfeld!

Reliving a Nightmare

I have not posted in awhile as the last four weeks have been a nightmare.  We are unfortunately, reliving another delay due to a document issue.  It has been six weeks since our original court date and the agency still has not collected the disappearance letter.  It has appeared as though those responsible for writing it are in no hurry and don't want to be bothered to do it.  After our court date on May 3 the judge never set another date as she just left the case open waiting for the letter to be submitted.  Well, on May 20th the judge set another court date for June 9th as well as issued a court order to the Kebele to request the disappearance letter.  When the social worker from Emmanuels' original orphanage delivered the court order, the Kebele requested an additional 3-4 days to complete their investigation.  Complete their investigation after SIX WEEKS!!  You are kidding me!  The social worker went back to the judge who did extend the court order for four more days and this was delivered to the Kebele on May 25th.

The woman in charge of the Ethiopian program at AAI, Susan, has been a big advocate for our case and was just in Ethiopia last week.  She gathered the above information for us and said that the social worker advised her the judge will not extend the court order again and that the letter is in process.  Susan has been a dear to us and has spoken both to Troy and I on many occasions and pushed to find out information when possible on our case.  I don't know what we would have done without her.

We are hoping and praying that the letter will be collected and submitted to the judge for our court date on June 9th.  If we do not pass this time I think I will lose all hope.  We have now lost nearly 3 1/2 months with our child due to preventable paperwork delays and it is completely heartbreaking.  I thought we had our share after the first delay, but now with this delay all I can ask is "why?"  "Why us again?"

A Sad Day

Well, we did not pass court yesterday.  They were not able to get the disappearance letter in time.  This has got me worrying that this may turn into another birth certificate fiasco.  We do not know whether the judge has scheduled another court date for us but we were told they are working on getting the letter.

So sad . . .

A Trip of a Lifetime

We are back from our trip and even though we are a bit jetlagged, I think we are still in disbelief we were just halfway around the world and met our future son.  The trip was absolutely amazing!

First of all, Rome was unbelievable!  I could go on and on and on . . .  It was a blessing to have Adam as our "personal tour guide" because we were able to see most of Rome in a whirlwind of four days.  We saw many major sites including;  The Pantheon, The Colliseum, St. Peters Basilica, The Roman Forum,  Trevi Fountain, Spanish Steps, and many, many gorgeous churches.  We went to the Vatican museum and sat in awe of the Sistene Chapel for about forty-five minutes.  The highlight of the trip was our private tour by Adam of the Papal Palace.  We saw things only ambassadors and dignitaries get to see and even went out on a balcony just several hundred feet from the Papal apartment.  It was truly amazing.  We would definitely like to return someday and see more of Rome, as well as other areas of Italy.

From Rome we went to Ethiopia and to another world entirely.  We found Ethiopian Airlines to be top notch and were impressed with the airport as well.  When one thinks of Africa one thinks of grass huts, wild animals, and people in native clothing.  Well, Addis Ababa is nothing like that and it made it difficult to believe we were in Africa.  It is a huge city with paved roads, cars, hotels, restaurants, and people in jeans and t-shirts walking everywhere.  Looking closer however, one see's the extreme poverty, mules and sheep being led down the road, and garbage along the streets.  There were beggars sitting along the sidewalks and buses crammed to the ceiling with people.  Despite the hardships there, the Ethiopian people are very friendly, welcoming, and always smiling.  We felt very safe there, even on our fifteen minute walks from the hotel to AAI everyday.

We were able to see Emmanuel the first day we got there, after we checked into the hotel and got a hold of the care centers director, Gail.  She picked us up on her way to the care center as she was going there for a "goodbye party" for two children that were leaving with their new parents that day.  He was sleeping when we got there so we walked around, took pictures, and joined the party.  When we went back later, he was up and the nanny was changing his clothes.  I could not believe I was actually seeing in person the child I had only seen up until then in pictures.  He was absolutely adorable!  She handed him to me and he just completely studied my face as if saying, "who are you?"  It was an amazing moment that I will never forget.  Troy held him shortly after and he did the same thing with him.

Over the course of the four days we were there we spent time at the care center getting to know our little guy.  We were there usually for several hours in the morning and again in the afternoon or early evening.  The rest of the time the agency had little trips planned for us to see more of Ethiopia.  We went up to Entoto Mountain, Sabahar silk factory, a cultural museum, shopping on Churchill Street, and several restaurants including an authentic Ethiopian restaurant.  It was a wonderful experience as we learned more about the place from where our future son was born.

And speaking of our future son, I don't think we could have gotten luckier.  He is PERFECT!  He has beautiful skin, huge dark brown eyes, soft fuzzy hair, and a smile that would make you melt.  He is very smart and developmentally right on track.  He is crawling as well as pulling to stand and cruising along furniture.  I am so hoping we get him home before his first steps.  He seems to be quite close with several of the nannies and they to him.  Anytime he hears them call his name or sing he gets a huge smile on his face.  He did take to us fairly well, me more than Troy as we think he is somewhat apprehensive of men as all of the nannies are women.  On the second day we were there he was crawling on the floor and I sat down and got his attention.  He turned and looked at me, smiled after a few seconds, and crawled into my lap.  It totally warmed my heart and was nearly the same feeling I got when they placed my girls in my arms after their birth.  I knew then that this child was meant for us.

He however, was not meant to be officially ours this trip.  You may notice I have been writing "future son."  Unfortunately, we did not pass court.  Our court day started off terrible as I woke up that morning not feeling well and threw up shortly after; only to be sick about five more times that day.  I was also quite emotional as it was our last day there and I was missing Emmanuel already.  We went to court with another couple, The Wilkins, who were amazing.  We all went into the court room together and sat in front of the judge.  We answered in unison about five or six questions she asked.  She then told The Wilkins that they passed.  She then asked who was there for Emmanuel and told us the biological mother failed to make her appearance,  therefore we did not pass.  I was heartbroken, especially since I had questioned the whereabouts of the mother to several people at the agency months earlier.  I was told it would be taken care of and not to worry.  I guess I should have worried.  The judge scheduled another court date for us with the court liason for May 3, 2011.  Our agency told us that they and the orphanage he was initally taken to would investigate the mothers whereabouts and if she could not be found all they needed to do was get a letter from her local government office confirming her disappearance.  They said it would not be a problem.  We, of course, are praying that we pass on the third and we will be able to move on to the final step.

I will post a few pictures from Ethiopia but I am unable to post any of Emmanuel until we pass court.  These photos may give you a feel for the country in which our son was born.

                                          AAI's Care Center

                                         A typical Ethiopian home

                                        View from Entoto mountain

                       

                                          Our daily walk

                                         An Ethiopian dwelling

                                         Sabahar silk co.

Sheep being led down the street

                                         A church

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Well, the time is finally here.  In two days we will be on our way.  I thought I would be terrified considering how much I hate flying but I am actually over-the-moon excited!  I get to scratch "visit Rome" off my bucket list and I get to hold my future son---all in the same trip!

We have quite the load of luggage to take.  We each have one suitcase of our clothing, a carryon suitcase of our necessities and extra shoes, a large suitcase of donations (clothes, toothpaste, paper supplies) and a duffel bag of donations (mostly school supplies).  This along with a small backpack of things to do and eat on the plane.  We also have the honor of taking letters from several families to their children at the care center.  This is perhaps the most precious cargo.

Our girls are all set to stay at my grandmothers and our parents at various times during the ten days.  Their schedule is written and they have been given the usual lecture--"be good", "do your homework", "don't fight with each other", "remember we love you."  We will miss them terribly and hope they will at least miss us a little.  We are going to Skype them from Rome on Saturday from Adam's computer.  This I know we will be looking forward to at that point in the trip.

Please keep us in your prayers during our journey.  We know it will definitely be life-changing and we are so glad to have the unending support of our friends and family.

We're Going To Ethiopia!

Today we bought our tickets for Ethiopia!  We got the okay to travel from the agency director as she said none of the court dates are being moved or rescheduled.  She said that even if our MOWA letter is not there we will still make our appearance before the judge and fulfill that requirement.  The MOWA situation is not yet fully resolved but we do know that the head of the department lost her job and they are making other staffing changes as well.  They also said that any cases that were summoned to court before March 5 would be expedited by MOWA and not subject to the five a day rule.  That would include us!  Perhaps we finally got some good luck!

As far as our trip itinerary is concerned, I am extremely excited!  Troy's brother Adam is a priest at the Vatican in Rome so we have decided to go see him on our way to Ethiopia.  I have always wanted to go to Rome!  So, our itinerary is as follows:

     April 12th          Detroit to Toronto
     April 12-13th     Toronto to Rome
     April 17th          Rome to Addis Ababa  
     April 20th          Our Court Date
     April 21st          Addis Ababa to Rome
     April 21st          Rome to Chicago
     April 21st          Chicago to Detroit

We will be spending four days in Rome and four days in Ethiopia.  Four days does not seem nearly long enough with our little boy but we don't want too much bonding to occur as we don't know for sure when we will be back to get him.  This will only lead to more heartbreak---mostly on our part.  This will also be the longest we will have been away from the girls and don't think we can stay much longer.

We are so looking forward to this adventure as well as finally getting to meet our soon-to-be son!

We Got our Court Date . . . But . . .

April 20, 2011!!  That's the date that our little boy may officially be ours!  It has to be a good luck date as it is just two days before our 16th wedding anniversary.  I am so excited to say that in about six weeks I will get to finally hold my future son! We now have to start making travel plans . . . but . . .

Twenty-four hours after we learned of this date we also learned that MOWA, the agency in Ethiopia that writes the approval letters for the adoptions, has publically announced that they will reduce the number of letters they write to FIVE a day starting later this month.  They typically write between 40-50 per day and they aren't written until anywhere from one month to one day before your court date.  The estimates are that this is going to cause LONG delays; even up to a year in some cases.  Why now?    We are so close and have waited so long already.

We are not sure about booking our flights now as we are wondering if our court date may be changed.  I will be contacting our agency director this next week as developments unfold to find out what we should do.  We, along with thousands of others, are hoping this is just a cruel joke or will be at least put off for awhile.

We finally got to bask in the joy of good news---for all of twenty-four hours.

FINALLY---Some Progress!

Well, I know it has been forever since my last post but the past two months have been excruciating and depressing, to say the least.  We were just resubmitted to court on February 3, after waiting SEVEN weeks due to a paperwork holdup.

This is the long and short of it.  As I said in my last post our file was returned due to his birth certificate being needed upon submission.  After making contact with his Aunt who supposedly had it, the agency began having difficulty finding her to get the birth certificate.  To make matters worse this occurred around the holidays when I think many people were off or just not in any hurry to get anything done.  After about 4 weeks went by I finally had had enough and wrote a letter to the agency director as well as spoke with her on the phone.  She stated she would contact their in country lawyer and have him go to the orphanage where our child was first relinquished and see if they knew how to find the Aunt.  Of course they did, and when they found her a day later they found the birth certificate was not complete.  She needed a picture of him to complete it.  The orphanage got her a picture that day and within FIVE days of them locating her they had the completed birth certificate!  Our agency spent five weeks spinning their wheels for something that in actuality took FIVE DAYS!  What makes this all the harder is that in that same time frame Troy and I completed our second dossier---which consists of 20+ documents---all which had to be notarized and one even sent to the Secretary of State!  With his file finally complete, we were supposed to be submitted to court that week but due to the agency reviewing something in his file we were not submitted until the following week.

Between calling the agency at least twice a week to "remind them" we were waiting and at the same time getting new pictures of him from traveling families, reminding us he was growing like a weed, it has been very heartbreaking.  Because of the agency holding us up for nearly two months beyond when we should have been submitted to court, we now lose those two months having him home with us.  We will probably miss his first steps and first birthday.  I continue to remind myself that this is all in God's timing but it is hard not to be bitter.  I'm sure that will fade, however, once he comes home.

"What now?" you ask.  Now we wait some more.  We should learn of our court date in about four to five weeks.  I am terrified now to make predictions on timing seeing as what we just went through.  Lately, court dates have been scheduled about three months from submission.  Could be more . . . could be less.  Only God knows.