Merry Holidays and Starting Over

I hope that everyone had a great holiday and got to enjoy it with family and friends.  Ours was nice although it was hard knowing we had a little one halfway around the world who would not be with us this year.  We did receive a picture of him with the welcome gifts we sent.  He was even wearing the Little Brother onsie and looked adorable in it!

 I have not posted anything recently as we have had little progress with our case.  Several weeks ago I was contacted by our agency that said they submitted our case to court but it was returned because his birth certificate was not included in the file.  Apparently, they were allowed to submit cases without them and then they would procure them prior to the court date and add them to the file.  Not anymore---they must have them when they submit the file.  On the bright side, the next day an e-mail from our agency stated the bio family had the certificate and they could get it any time.  They thought we should be resubmitted to court the following week (week of Christmas).  Of course, due to the holidays I have no way of finding out if we were as the adoption agency office is closed until January 3rd.  Once we are submitted it will be at least 4 weeks until we learn of our court date which at this rate will most likely be the latter half of February or March :(

Another bit of news we recieved this week was that we will most likely need to redo our ENTIRE dossier!  The Ethiopian courts and MOWA (Ministry of Womens Affairs) will not review any dossiers greater than eighteen months old.  Ours is already over eighteen months.  As you may recall the dossier is a compilation of at least 20+ documents that we must gather and have notarized as well as some that must be authenticated at the state and federal level.  It is not something that you necessarily want to do again!  I, however, have begun work on it as I do not want any more delays let alone get over there for court and have the judge tell us we didn't pass because our paperwork if too old.  I keep asking myself, and God, how many more hoops are we going to have to jump through just to be able to open our hearts to a child that needs a loving home and family?

Our little one did get two gifts this Christmas even though he is half a world away.  My Aunt Darlene crocheted a beautiful blanket for him.  The colors in it are those of the Ethiopian flag.

My sister-in-law Kelly bought him this adorable stuffed Snoopy doll.  She bought one for her infant daughter (only in pink) and thought it would be appropriate as my youngest daughter Jenna was attached to her Snoopy for many years.  Soo cute!

This week I will be officially starting to paint his room, hoping it will bring us good news soon!

What Now?

Now that we have our referral, "What now?" you ask.  Well, we wait some more!  We are currently at the end of having our homestudy update completed.  Our approval through Immigration (USCIS) expires on 1/9/11 and in order to extend our approval we have to submit an updated homestudy.  This approval is needed at the end of the process in order to get our son a VISA so we can bring him home. 

We are also waiting to hear his file has been submitted to the court and shortly thereafter we will be given a court date.  Hopefully we will learn of our court date sometime before Christmas.  It is at this court date that Troy and I will have to go over to Ethiopia to appear before the judge.  It is also on this trip we will get to meet and finally hold our son!  We were told this date would most likely be in January sometime.  If we pass court he will officially be OUR son.  If we do not they will set another date, hopefully have everything they need for that one, and will review our case again.  We do not have to appear for that court date.  Let's keep our fingers crossed that we pass the first time!!

We have been getting some great photos of our little guy from families that are also with our agency that have recently been there for their court dates.  I am not able to publically post his picture until he is officially ours but trust me,  he is CUTE!  Some of the feedback I've gotten about him say he is a "sweetie" and "good-natured."  Hopefully we will get to find out for ourselves sooner than later!

The Wait Is Over!!

I am pleased to announce that we have officially accepted the referral of a GORGEOUS four month old BABY BOY!!   We got the call on Thursday November 4 at 12:40pm.  We had received a call only three days earlier regarding an 18 month old girl but due to some medical issues we had to decline.  We never expected another call so soon!  The call went something like this:

     Me:  "Hello."  (Understand I saw on my phone who was calling)
     Merrily:  " Hello, Kim?  This is Merrily from AAI.  How are  you?"
     Me:  "Good, I think.  How are you?"
     Merrily:  "Good.  I never expected to be calling you again
        this soon but here I am!  Do you have time to talk?"
     Me:  "Of course."  (My voice shaking)
     Merrily:  "Would you like to talk about a little boy?"
     Me:  "OF COURSE!!"

She then went on to give the details of his reason for coming into care, his health status, development, and the results of several lab tests.  She then said she would e-mail me his information and a picture.  The worst part was Troy and I were 20 minutes from home at a meeting!!  Let me tell you, I don't think I heard a word that was said the rest of the meeting and the ride home seemed more like two hours!!  When we got home I of course ran right over to the computer and pulled up the e-mail.  With Troy standing behind me, I went right for the picture.  When it came up I think we were both speechless!  He is beautiful!!  Big brown eyes, a bald head, a tiny button nose, and a HUGE smile on his face :)  This child just oozes personality!!  Unfortunately, I am not allowed to post any pictures of him until we pass court and he is officially ours.  I,  however, have given you a sneak peek below.

We ask of our family and friends that you keep this little boy in your prayers as he will not be truly "safe" until we bring him home.  He is in our agencies excellent care center but he is still in a third world country and these babies often get sick, ie. pneumonia, flu, chicken pox, and the medical care is not what we come to expect here.  We believe God led us to this little one and he will make sure he comes home safe and sound!





His Hands


  FINALLY!!!!

Sixteen Months and Still Waiting

Sweet sixteen---I don't think so!  We have now been on the waiting list for sixteen LONG months.  I called the agency last week upon rumors that there were more families in front of us than I had last been told.  Well fortunately, we are still #3---unfortunately, we are STILL #3! 

The interesting news however, is that we are in a position whereby we could get a girl referral.  Our preference was stated as either gender, but we were told that we would more than likely get a boy as the wait for boys was about four months shorter.  Now, in an interesting twist of fate, the referrals for both infant boys and girls are neck and neck.  The agency told me that we would be referred whatever gender came up when we got to the top of the list.  I'm not quite sure how I feel about this.  On one hand, since we already have two girls and are paying a lot of money for this, why not get the gender we don't already have?  On the other hand, should we view it as it is God's will and if we are referred a girl that is what we were meant to have?  We do have the option to turn down the referral and wait for the other gender---a position I never imagined we would be in!

The last referrals that went out for infant boys were given at about the sixteen month mark.  Could ours be just around the corner?  or several months away??  I am now carrying my cell phone around with me as though it were another appendage waiting for that elusive call.  A call that will hopefully come sooner than later!

Here We Go Again

Well, I can now say I am officially FRUSTRATED with this process!!  After the initial paperwork taking three months I am now embarking on part of it again.  Our approval from USCIS ( ie. immigration) expires on 1/9/11 and obviously we are not going to have our child home before that date.  We are allowed a free, one-time, extension of that approval but it requires a home-study update.  Stupidly, I thought it was nothing more than a simple letter from our social worker stating nothing had changed.  WRONG!!  We have to redo almost our entire home study!  Not only do we have to have another home visit but we have to have another fire inspection, get our medicals redone, get our child abuse clearances again (which I was told is taking two months), get another reference, and get fingerprinted AGAIN---for like the tenth time!

When we began this process it was 4-6 months for a referral, hence, we would have been there and done that with our child home before any of this became an issue.  Now that we have been waiting almost 16 months it is a different story.  Aside from the additional paperwork, we are also looking at more unanticipated expense--cost of fingerprints as well as the home study update.  Our agency is also increasing their fees the middle of this month for those that don't have a referral yet.  I'm not holding my breath on making that cut-off.

I know this will all be worth it in the end but let me tell you, adoption is not easy!  I would almost rather go through labor and delivery ten more times than have to jump through all these hoops!  Sorry for the venting but sometimes you just have to let it out.  Hopefully my next post will be a happier one!

Hello Again

I apologize for the long delay since my last post but things have been so busy around here.  I hardly have time to breathe between running the kids to their after-school activites, coaching CYO volleyball, helping with homework, and working extra hours.  With Troy now busy harvesting the corn and not getting home until late in the evening I am pretty much a single mother doing all of this also.  I guess I shouldn't complain however, as keeping busy makes the wait a little more bearable.

Oh, speaking of the wait, I do have some news.  WE ARE NOW #3 ON THE WAITING LIST!  Sadly, we would actually have been number two but a family who was on the girl list got tired of waiting, changed their preference, and jumped in line in front of us on the boy list.  Apparently their dossier went to ET before ours.  That is just another example of the unpredictability of this process.  Our referral, when it comes is also going to be a complete surprise now as I do not know nor talk to the two families in front of us.  They are "mystery families", ie. not a part of the Yahoo web groups I belong to of adoptive parents from our agency. 

I am hoping that October will be OUR month as I was told the agency does have a number of children whose files they are still working on.  Of course, I am not holding my breath!  At the very least a referral sure would make a great Christmas present!  I wonder if Santa has those in his sack?

Latest News from AAI

Yes everyone, we are still waiting . . . and waiting . . . and waiting. We just received an update from the agency today with good news---I think? After the Ethiopian New Year-- September 11 on our calendar-- they usually get an increase of children into the orphanage. That has started earlier this year for some reason and AAI is expecting 15 new little ones in the next several days. They also signed agreements with two new orphanages and believe, in the next couple of months, they should be able to make referrals to many who have waited a long time. I would think that would include us!

On a travel note, the court appearance Troy and I have to make in Ethiopia takes all of a whopping FIVE MINUTES! Yes, we will be traveling 20+ hours and spending thousands of dollars more for FIVE MINUTES!! Needless to say Troy---who didn't want to travel in the first place and doesn't like to spend money---is not very amused by this. On a positive note we do get to meet our child beforehand. We are also contemplating a side trip to Rome to visit Troy's brother who is a priest and will be there at the time.

One final thing to note. My last post mentioned we were number four and that was inaccurate. I called and spoke to Susan at the agency last week and unfortunately we are number five on the waiting list. I guess I learned my lesson jumping to conclusions and celebrating before the party has actually begun. Here's hoping the party is right around the corner!

Number Four

Yes, we have moved again--ALREADY!! Thanks to Melissa getting a referral of an adorable 3-4 month old little boy, we have moved up on the list. Her dossier went to Ethiopia on 5/12/09, making her wait just shy of 15 months.

We are coming up on our fourteenth month in eight days. Could it be soon? Any day now? Oh boy, I hope so!

Number Five

We have moved! We have moved! No, not to an new address but up on the waiting list! We are now #5! That means there are only four people in front of us waiting for an infant boy. Of course, no one knows how much longer it will be at this point. The latest update from the agency, as of yesterday, was that infant referrals continue to be slow. They are making headway on the paperwork for the children "caught in the middle", many of which are infants and toddlers. Sadly, some children have been waiting at the orphanage for over a year for their documents to get approved. The agency has made 80 referrals so far this year of children in Ethiopia to their forever families. Eighty seems like a lot but it is nothing compared to the nearly five million orphans in that country.

Unless we get "The Call" in the next several weeks, I will be calling the agency for a check-in on August 18---the fourteen month anniversary of our dossier being in Ethiopia.

Latest Update

Well, I think things may finally start moving again as far as referrals go. Latest word from another adoptive parent who spoke with the director of our agency is that she may be giving out 7-10 referrals in the next several weeks! Also, the agency received 11 new children in June and have 35 "little ones" (many under 18 months) who are in paperwork "limbo." They are hoping to start getting the paperwork complete soon on these kids so they can start referring them.

There has been a hold up the last several months on the proper authorities in ET signing documents to allow the agencies to refer the children. Apparently, these documents need to be signed to deem the children "orphans." The hold up is, in part, due to the Ethiopian elections they had in May just being completed. Our director, Merrily, said that things are now beginning to move and she is optimistic things will speed up.

Even though we have no way to know the ages of the children waiting to be referred, my math-- and common sense--tells me that since we are number 7 on the waiting list and there are about 45 children waiting---OUR CHILD is probably there right now---waiting for US!!

This is definitely news that I needed to keep the faith and continue to be patient with this long and unpredictable journey!

One Year

Yes, it has been ONE YEAR since our dossier has been in Ethiopia without a referral. Officially twice as long as told when our dossier first got there. As of the last agency update, there is no referral on the immediate horizon. Apparently, things have slowed dramatically. One reason, which is actually good, is that due to the rains the crops are good this year and more families are opting to keep their babies/children. There are also more agencies over there vying for babies, thus less for our agency. AAI did say they are networking with other orphanages in underserved areas to perhaps increase the number of babies and children they receive.

We know now we will definitely not make court before the closure this fall and it is looking more like we won't even be bringing our child home until next year. I think we are beginning to wrap our heads around this reality.

When we started this process I told myself I would not buy anything for the baby until we actually had a referral. Well, ONE YEAR is an awfully long time to stifle the shopper in me! They have great shirts on a website called Adoptionbug.com and they had one I just could not resist. Buying the onsie helps me believe this will happen someday, just not in my timeframe.







For now, it sits folded on my dresser as I wait for a little one to put in it.

Thoughts on Forty

Well, today I turned forty. There . . . I said it! I am not quite sure how I feel about it yet. On one hand, they say "40 is the new 30" and I have had plenty of people tell me I don't look as old as 40---for whatever 40 is supposed to look like. On the other hand, forty is halfway to eighty which is the average lifespan. Need I say more?

I have often thought during this adoption process, and do as well today, if I should be doing this "at my age." "What am I thinking" . . . "Am I nuts". . . "Why do I want to start over? Should I not be thinking about getting a convertible, a boat, or at least some "me time?" All I can answer myself with is that I do not feel my family is complete. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything in the world; I just feel as though there is something (or someone) missing in our life. I think God has put this in my heart to do something beyond myself. To make someone's life better and in turn better ours. I don't think age matters in order to accomplish this.

They say age is just a number and if kids make you younger . . . and 40 is the new 30 . . . then I think I may just be having my 21st birthday all over again next year!

Like a Bandit

It has been awhile since my last post for several reasons: 1. Nothing has happened on the adoption front and 2. I have been very busy redecorating. The person I believe to have benefitted the most so far from this pending adoption is my youngest daughter Jenna. She has made out like a bandit! By this I mean she has recently received an all new bedroom.

When Troy and I started this process we decided that the girls should maintain keeping separate bedrooms. We figured this would be the best way to continue to keep the peace. With Jenna being in the smallest bedroom we thought it only right that she be moved to a larger one and the baby be given her old room---the smaller one. For Christmas Jenna received a new comforter complete with curtains, pillows, and a lamp. Now of course, with that not matching the "new" room's colors at all, we had to get new carpeting along with a new coat of paint on the walls. Throw in a ceiling fan . . . and new wall decor . . . and a desk due to having more room . . .and a butterfly chair . . . and a really cool floor lamp . . well, I think you get my point---like a BANDIT!

The future babies room sits empty except for my scrapbooking table. I made a vow with myself that I would not touch the room until we get the much awaited referral. Don't want to jinx things, you know? Anyway I figure we will have plenty of time to redecorate that room between referral and actually bringing home our child.

The pictures above are of Jenna's new room. You can click on the pictures to see them larger.

Eleven months . . . and counting

Actually it is more along the lines of fourteen months if you count the three months of paperwork. Our dossier has officially been in Ethiopia eleven months as of today. The waiting sometimes can get very frustrating, especially when the wait was only 4-6 months for a referral when we began this process. It has now almost doubled.

There are numerous reasons why the wait has lengthened. Ethiopia has become the "hotspot" for adoption and therefore more families are "waiting" like us. The Ethiopian government and US Embassy have instituted new guidelines and rules to make the adoptions more transparent to keep the agencies on the "up and up" and dissuade illegal practices---in the meantime adding more of a "wait" to the process. Our agency also has changed the way they go about giving out referrals. They used to give out referrals prior to all of the child's paperwork being complete and then scheduling the court dates farther out. Now they complete the child's paperwork and have them "court ready" prior to referring the child to a family. This lengthens the wait for the referral but shortens it slightly waiting for the court date. Now that both parents have to travel for the court date, it is anyone's guess if this will further lengthen the process.

Every year the Ethiopian courts close during the rainy season for about 6-8 weeks. This is usually sometime from August to October. If we do not receive a referral by end of May or perhaps beginning of June we will not be able to have our court date before they close. This could mean an additional 6-8 week wait and not going for court until October or later. This was not even a concern of mine when we started the adoption as the wait for a referral was only 4-6 months, leaving us plenty of time to make court before they closed this year. Now with the longer wait, there is a very good possibility that we will not make the closure.

They say that everything happens in God's own time. The child that is meant for our family will come to us when he is supposed to. Why is it so hard, though, to accept?


"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Mother's Day

A mother is likened unto a mountain spring that nourishes the tree at it's root; but one who mothers anothers child is likened unto a water that rises into a cloud and goes a long distance to nourish a lone tree in the desert.

Patiently waiting to be a mother again . . .

What Does That Mean?

I often forget when talking about our adoption that many people are not familiar with some of the terms I use. I get a lot of "What does that mean" or "what is that." I have decided to dedicate this post to defining some of the terms or explaining some of the processes so that everyone will have a better understanding of what I am talking about in future posts.

Dossier: This is a compilation of paperwork that we needed to obtain to send to the agency for the adoption. It contained documents that both the agency needed as well as those required by the Government of Ethiopia. These documents included:

Homestudy (has it's own set of needed documents)
BCI/FBI fingerprinting
Our birth certificates and marriage certificate
Police clearances for Troy and I
Medical statements from our family physicians
A statement from our bank attesting to our deposits and balances
Most recent 1040 tax forms
Employment letters
Two reference letters
Family letter to the Government of Ethiopia
Two power of attorneys for the agency representatives in country

All of these documents also had to be notarized. Once completed, the dossier was sent to the agency where it was put together and shipped to Ethiopia and then translated.

Waiting List: This is the wait list you are put on after your dossier is sent. There are different waiting lists depending on your child request/preference and it is the list with your adoption agency. We requested either gender and less than 6 months at referral/infant. Infants are the most requested so you generally have a longer wait, especially for infant girls. When you request either gender they automatically put you on the "boy list" as it is about a 4 month shorter wait than for a girl.

ET: Ethiopia, of course.

Referral: This is what you are actually "waiting" for--the referral of your child. It involves getting "The Call" from the director of our agency with an offer of a child. Our agency typically refers you a child based upon your preferences. You usually get a few pictures, a medical report, and any other pertinent info. You have a few days to get the referral looked at by a pediatrician familiar with IA (if you choose) and make your decision.

I will continue to define terms as they come up in future posts.

Still waiting with bated breath . . .

Exciting News

Hey everybody! We received some good news today. We are now number seven on the wait list or possibly even closer. Our agency director, Merrily, sent out an in process update today and said they gave out about 10 referrals in the last several days. These referrals of course mean not only infants; but siblings, older children, and special needs as well. One family posted the acceptance of a boy today and I can only imagine that there must have been a few more boys referred. This would mean we are actually closer than seven!!

She did post that they are still referring to those families whose dossiers were sent to Ethiopia in May of 2009 but the good news is that were are the first family in June!

Unfortuanately, some not so good news was also relayed. Troy and I will both be having to travel for the court hearing. Apparently, the judges in Ethiopia are standing firm on this. I guess on the bright side we will be able to meet our child several months earlier than we would have the previous way. I will most likely, however, be traveling over there twice. For being someone who absolutely hates flying this should be quite an experience!

We hope and pray that things continue to move swiftly.

Love This

Natural Child: any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.

My First Official Post

I am sooo excited---this is my first official post on my very own blog!! I had no intention of starting a blog but after seeing other ones and how fun they looked, I couldn't resist. For those family and friends I don't talk to often I thought it would be a good way to keep you informed of the adoption happenings. I also figured it would be yet another way to help pass the time while "waiting."

Speaking of "waiting"--I learned yesterday that we are now #8 on the wait list! Of course this could mean a referral in the next month or two or it could be 4 or 5 months. That has been the hardest part of this process is that you just don't know. Sometimes you don't know much of anything! When we started the process it was a 4-6 month wait for a referral of an infant boy---then it increased to 6-8 months---then 10 months---now it is at about a year. It is definitely a rollercoaster ride.

The latest news out of Ethiopia is a proposed change to the travel part of the process whereby they want to have both parents travel for the court hearing. Currently, only one parent has to travel for the Embassy date to get the child's Visa and bring the child home. Now they are proposing that both parents meet the child prior to the court hearing and then appear before the judge. One parent would then have to return 3-8 weeks later for the Embassy appointment and bring the child home. This is proposed due to some adoption agencies passing off special needs children to parents who wanted a "healthy" child and the parents aren't aware of it until they go to pick up the child and it is too late--the child has passed court and is already theirs. Some parents then end up leaving the child there.

Of course we aren't too happy about this proposed change as Troy did not want us to both go over due to already having children and the risk involved, not to mention the unforseen added expenses. Our agency said it has not been finalized yet but we have been hearing rumors that it WILL start May 9, 2010.

What was I saying about a rollercoaster ride?