The Smile That Ends My Day

Returning to work almost a month ago was definitely very hard to do.  Nathan and I had grown close and were used to our routine of having to be nowhere at no specific time (other than appointments of course).  I was anxious about thrusting him into a whole new routine and new environment---daycare.  I had so many questions spinning in my head.  Would it remind him of the orphanage and terrify him that I was "taking him back"?  Did he bond with me well enough to remember that I am his mother and not the women at daycare?  Would he quickly learn that I would come back for him each time and would he even care that I come back?

The first day of dropping him off at daycare was of course traumatic---for the both of us.  We had visited several times before the "big day" but that was different from me leaving him.  On that first day, and the next two weeks to follow, he cried and screamed when I left.  Thankfully this lessened each time after the first few days.  On the start of the third week he willingly left my arms and waved goodbye.  I was thrilled that he knew I would be back but also heartbroken that he could "do without me."  I think I cried leaving as much that day as the first!

The payback to all of this, however, is the greeting I get when I return at the end of the day.  Whether he is across the room or sitting at the table eating a snack, when he sees me he gets the most heartwarming, biggest smile on his face and barrels across the room into my arms.  Often times he is also giggling uncontrollably.  This makes even the worst of my days seem so insignificant.

I have often imagined what that little boy is thinking when he runs to me, smiling that beautiful smile.  This is a child who was abandoned and raised in an orphanage for the first fifteen months of his life.  He had no one person to call his own.  He had no one person to claim him as theirs.  Now he does.  I believe he sees me arrive and thinks "That is MY mommy and she is taking ME home---AGAIN!

"That is MY mommy and I am HER son!"



Leaving the orphanage in Ethiopia

Looking Back . . . Looking Forward

With a new year upon us it makes me reflect on the previous year, as it does for so many.  I remember the start of 2011 was just the first sign that the coming year, mainly our adoption process, was going to be anything but smooth.  Our problems with paperwork began in January with the birth certificate issue and things just snowballed from there.  A seven week delay in January, a court failure in April, another seven week delay in the summer and a two and a half month delay at Embassy.  I feel like I could go on and on.  Looking back it seems like I spent most of the year in frustration, sadness, and anxiety.

Of course, this year begins much differently.  No longer am I ruled by heartbreak, longing, and anxiety.  My boy is home and with him he has brought happiness, love, and much laughter.  Most days I barely remember the torment of the previous year.  I guess time does heal most wounds. 

He is a gift from God and I truly believe he was picked by God to be a part of our family.  What else would explain his quick adjustment and perfect fit for our family.  I still look at him sometimes and can't believe he is actually here, yet in the same breath feel as though he was never NOT here.  And not only is he here, but he is here to stay!  We can now look forward to a lifetime of memories with this little boy we fought so hard for.  Memories that we as a family have already begun to gather and cherish.  Time flies so quickly and each day must not be taken for granted.  It seems so long ago that we sent in our application to start the adoption process.  Likewise, it will someday seem so long ago that our boy was little and joining our family forever.

Referral photo we received 11/4/10

First meeting in Ethiopia on 4/17/11

First moments at the guest house after leaving the orphanage on 10/9/11

At the airport---Finally home on 10/14/11

Nathan and his Forever Family

Happy 2012 Everyone and God Bless You and Yours!